its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
