Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
