Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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