my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
