why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
