Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
