I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
