Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
