Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
