There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This is not my ceiling
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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