Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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