Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize