I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
