Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
