dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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