you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
