This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
