What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
