Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
