At least make sure they are 18
Why
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
