is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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