I think I died a long time ago.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
