we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
