She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
