I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
