i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
