Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize