i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
