I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
