Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
