i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
