things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
