I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
