Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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