I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
did i walk over a car last night?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
