"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
