Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
