so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
