Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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