no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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