I wish my penis had an off switch
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize