I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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