Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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