he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
