she looked like the before picture.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
