you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
