God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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