not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm bleeding and have questions
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize