Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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