I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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