So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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