my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
