Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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