i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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