i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
