Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
