Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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