I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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