Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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