Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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