hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
