Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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