just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
