My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
