I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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