Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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