Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
