you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
