Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
