What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
