If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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